| find out who you are and do it on purpose! |
[Nov. 17th, 2009|04:53 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | switchfoot | ] |
its easy to look back on a relationship and remember all of the good times you shared with each other. i feel like for the past month ive been fixating on all of those, i mean its like all of the fighting and arguing and bad times never even happen! but the fact of the matter is that everything happens for a reason and anytime you break up with someone theres usually a reason for the decision. i miss him and its so hard to see him all the time but i have to stop living in the past and just fucking move on with my life. ive met quite a few boys lately and even though im really not looking for anything serious its nice to have someone to talk to and keep my mind off of other things.
im going camping at the peace river all this weekend for amys birthday i couldnt be more excited!!! theres like 30 of us going out there... they have an 84 degree pool, of course the river, golf carts, canoes, an onsite bar, $4 unlimited breakfast, and we can be as loud as we please since none of the campsites are remotely close to each other! $20 bucks for the whole weekend, you really cant beat that!!!
last night i went out to this club called the venue, it was so gorgeous!! we rented out half of the top part, they gave us our own vip area barricaded off with our very own velvet ropes! we bought a couple bottles and they even had a lady stay in our lounge making our drinks and everything. it was almost ridiculous they way they were treating us but id be lying if i said i didnt enjoy every single second!! it was such a good time and god damn do i love livin the high life...
anyhow i start school in january i guess you can say thats when all the fun stops, but its about time for me to grow up and i really do have money on my mind so i know everythings gonna work out.
this picture describes the way my mind works better than i ever could...
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| i voted for the first time.... |
[Nov. 3rd, 2009|04:43 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  accomplished | ] |
OBAMA PRIDE, BABYYYYYY!!!!
the only thing constant in life is change and goddamnit im ready for some!!!! |
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| who doesnt love an accent?? |
[Oct. 22nd, 2009|11:48 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hopeful | ] |
alright so ive been talking to this guy for quite some time now and honestly i dont know what else i could ask for... hes from kentucky and let me let you know that southern accent gets me every single time, its so sexy!!! hes hilarious, i love how we can just listen to music or watch tv and smoke... we just have really great conversations. hes such a good person, he coaches a little league football team and its completely voluntary. last but not least hes almost ridiculously good looking... his eyes, well we wont even speak of such things but lets just say theyre wonderful. anyhow we really have a great physical connection too i havent had sex with him or anything but you know how when you kiss someone and it just feels perfect because you have the exact same kissing style? well thats how it is and i dont think ive kissed anyone like we do. he texts me everyday and he always calls me babe or sweetheart, im not used to all that but id be lying if i said i didnt love it!
so whats the problem you ask? well how am i supposed to move into this relationship if im still stuck in the past?? im trying to take it as slow as possible so i can get to know him on a friends kinda level first and foremost. i would like to take it past there but honestly i just dont think im ready yet...
ps i got my job at leverocks back, FUCK YEAH!!!
oh, &
GO RAYSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!! |
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| FUCK YEAH!! |
[Oct. 14th, 2009|07:55 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  STOKED! | ] |
i just took the teas test up at PTEC, the last test i needed to pass in order to get into the nursing program, i fucking passed with flying colors!!!! i start school in january and i couldnt be more excited. in 6 weeks ill have my CNA and then in 15 months ill have my LPN. theyll hook me up with a job when i graduate the program and then when im making 20 bucks an hour ill go back to school for psychiatry which is what i really want to do... well, thats the plan anyhow and i know its not gonna be easy but im 100% confident that everythings gonna work out the way it should.
HALLE FUCKING LUJAH!!!!! |
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| i can sleep when i die |
[Oct. 11th, 2009|01:46 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | hopeful | ] |
ok so how about 2 hours after i posted that last entry my poor little fish sushi died.... ISNT THAT SOME SHIT?! :(
but heyyyy i hope everyone got the pleasure of watching that 5 hour long baseball game last night holy shit im so glad they won GOOOOOO RAYSSSSS!!!!!! and for all you red sox fans... GO BACK TO BOSTON CHOWDA HEAD!!!! |
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| build me up buttercup! |
[Oct. 9th, 2009|12:37 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
im just so happy with my life right now...
yesterday brian and i went out to the rays rally on the beach and let me let you know how much i love going to those things!! not to mention brian got a vip wristband so we got all the beer, hot dogs, and hamburgers we wanted for free! joe, muki, john, rob, & aj went out there too and it was just a really great time. the fireworks show at the end took it to a whole other level!! after that brian and i went to OKTOBERFEST which is only my favorite thing ever! probably not a good idea to chug beer and then go on the zipper but hey at least i didnt throw up haha. some guy gave me his goldfish it was so funny he said he could tell how bad i wanted it and it just really made my night! i named him sushi and believe it or not DESPITE WHAT EVERYONE SAID... hes still alive!! one day goin strong! anyhow we rode a couple rides saw quite a few people and then we went to pick up nick for his 21st birthday!!! we started downtown but it was pretty dead so after a few shots and a few drinks we headed to omaddys which was just amazing. i took brian home and then went to josh jeremy and gabes and spent a little time with my gabey baby!! ive been hanging out with him alot lately and i swear it just gets better and better everytime i see him. were takin it pretty slow right now but its just workin out so well! im trying not to get my hopes up i guess well just see what happens.
i take my teas test on the 15th so i can finally start school and its about damn time! im really excited believe it or not... im just glad im doing something with my life...
im also really glad me and brian are hanging out a lot more again ive missed him so much that kid is seriously my best friend and we always just have such a great time together!
things are wonderful with my family, even me and the little guy have been gettin along!
its not all good though i mean kyles dad overdosed which was just horrible... not to mention this 21 year old girl i chilled with a couple times overdosed too. my uncle passed away. im pretty broke.. my phones been off since the 5th :(
BUT OTHER THAN ALL THAT... life is beautiful! and i just cant fucking wait for new york!!!! |
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| youre all im thinking of... |
[Sep. 24th, 2009|12:52 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
ok so i still need a job but i think i finally found the perfect guy for me. funny thing is he was right in front of me the whole time!!! new york in december is gettin better and better now with new travelers added to the extravaganza!!! you know what if i had some fucking money i think life would just be perfect...
PS HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEGAN BABYYYYYY cant wait to go to olive garden in a few ;) |
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| and whats a pimp with no hoe?? |
[Sep. 10th, 2009|12:07 pm] |
im just gonna hit you with the short & sweet version...
ryan failed his drug test, violated probation... so now he has to go back to jail :(
i met a boy and i had really high hopes for this one. i didnt realize he was 25 though and im sorry i mean age isnt that big of a deal to me but 25 is probably the oldest i would EVER think of. well see how that works out...
but this other kid i used to talk to back in the day jut popped back in my life too... god hes so sexy its ridiculous i just dont even know!!!!
i need a job.
im flying up to new york in december for my birthday. im gonna watch the ball drop in times square on new years i cant fucking wait!!!
yeah and that about does it for this one. |
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| what really "grinds my gears", if you will: |
[Aug. 27th, 2009|07:57 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  aggravated | ] |
please someone tell me how the fuck it is that the NASTIEST, SLUTTIEST, most SCANDALOUS BITCHES are in these great relationships and im all by myself?! How come the SHITTIEST people have the best of luck?! Why is it that the people who REALLY deserve something have to work so hard to get it?! Why do millions of innocent people die every year from diseases when on the other hand the rapists, pedophiles and murderers are so healthy its ridiculous?! Why do the girls that treat their boyfriends so good get cheated on?! Why do the girls that treat their boyfriends so bad get the only good ones?! Why is it that the world is so fucking twisted?! You know, i really hope that one day things will change and everything will work out the way it should... but i guess until then ill just stand by my morals and keep convincing myself that its worth it. |
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| lifes a bitch |
[Aug. 26th, 2009|10:56 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | hopeful | ] |
i just took my mom to the hospital for her surgery...guess what?? she might have cancer...
im pretty sure my license got suspended the state of wyoming just sent me a letter about how theyre contacting my state in order to do just that... i guess i shoulda paid that speeding ticket...
my friend killed himself last week. he put a bomb in his mouth while he was in the bathroom. his funeral was horrible.
i dont have any money, i cant pay for my phone bill so thats about to get shut off. my car payments due what the fuckkk... i cant get a job!!!!
i need to get laid its been too long and maybe i just need to let out some extra aggression? not to mention i miss him....
but ya know what you cant have the good without the bad and friday im going to disney world yayyyyyyyyyyy! for free too! so i guess things just have a crazy way of workin out for the best :)
AND im flyin up to new york for my 20th birthday the day after christmas. me and my girl ashleys birthdays are 2 days apart so were just gonna celebrate them up there with mikey and josh! were even gonna watch the ball drop at times square im so fucking stoked i cant wait... its going to be a motherfucking BLASSSSSSSSSST!
.....im trying to keep my head up :) |
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| hurricane... my ass! |
[Aug. 18th, 2009|10:46 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cranky | ] |
i was trying to figure out where im at in my life right now and i guess the best way to describe it is STUCK. i do the same shit every single day and every single night and i mean i love it but i guess theres a point when ya gotta just chill out. its hard not to party when youre surrounded by party animals and hey if youre not going to school yet you might as well get crunk right? exactly, its because of that mentality right there that i would consider myself a piece of shit and a dumbass too for not starting school yet. whats holding me back? why is it takin me so long to just get my life started? bullshit, and thats all it is. they say you are who you hang out with and when i look at the people that i love so much and hold so dear... theyre all in the same situation as me. its not a bad thing but im just sayin that theory is accurate as FUCK!
last night we drank 2 bottles of patron smoked dro all night long and picked up some beer too. needless to say it was a wonderful evening and if i did that every once in awhile it would have been fabulous... but i do it all the time and when theres not shit else to do its just so hard to say no! i wish i could just meet a good guy that could keep me out of trouble. i was gonna go bowling last night with some friends but of course the one night i want to go douchebag decided to go too and by douchebag i mean the piece of shit formerly known as my boyfriend. dont get me wrong im actually really proud of myself for how well i took that whole situation but you got shit twisted if you think im about to go bowl with the kid. theres too much id be tempted to say and im not even trying to deal with all that. im not about the drama and im definitely not tryin to bring it to the bowling alley ha. plus, even after everything, i still like the kid i cant even lie. that was just one situation that was best if avoided....
i dont know i guess im just kinda in a shitty situation right now. i know what i need to do i just have such little motivation its pathetic.... |
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| everyone needs to be enlightened... |
[Jul. 26th, 2009|03:28 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
YOUR LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT.
I dont care how bad shit is going or what kind of crazy ass situation youre in- you always gotta make the best of things. Optimism is key; & always remember that theres always someone out there whos got it 10 times worse than youll ever know. Karmas a bitch, & let me let you know i got a shit ton of good karma comin my way! Love everybody until they give you a reason not to & even then ya gotta just let it go. be the bigger person, life is too short... too short for fighting & being a bitch. Live your life & live it good. Expect the worst, but hope for the best. Choose wisely who you trust, people can be so scandalous its ridiculous. Stay true to your morals & always stand up for what you believe. No matter where you go people will always try to bring you down but STAY STRONG, dont let them win... youre better than that! You cant have the good without the bad, & the sunshine always comes back out. Life's a bitch & its hard as hell to get through. Ya just gotta keep your head up & keep troopin! You dont have to prove anything to anyone but yourself... so PROVE IT! :)
ps i went on a hummer stretch limo last night it was so fucking fun!!! we went out to channelside, free drinks all night and god were we livin it up!!! |
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| whaaaat?! |
[Jul. 23rd, 2009|01:22 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  awake | ] |
alright so my trip to cali was fucking awesome! i met a lot of cool people and had a lot of good times... i went streaking for the first time ever and hey i even fell off a porch! i miss ariane a lot though we were together 24/7 for like 2 weeks its almost like a lost a part of me :(
now its back to the burg life and lets just say i came in with a bang. i WOULD choose the night all the drama goes down to come home, but i mean we made the best of the situation and it wasnt too cold of a welcoming....
ive decided to stick with the "fuck all guys except my homeboys" mentality since it seems like everytime i try to make something work i get fucked over or its just not worth all the drama i have to deal with. me and rico dont even talk to each other its so fucking awkward cuz i chill with brian all the time at the same house..... i really didnt want it to have to be like that but i guess everything happens for a reason. maybe its for the best. i heard ian was downtown last week i guess one of my girls confronted him about all the bullshit (just what i wanted her to do right? NOT ha) and his excuse was "he was dealing with a lot at the time". well fuck that kid for real i dont give a fuck if hes dealin with a lot thats not an excuse to do me like he did and he coulda just let me know whats up but thats a whole other rant. im gonna stop myself before i even get started.
tonight me and ryan are going out for a night on the town and since we always have fun AND ladies drink free tonight i know its going to be amazing. and you know what i really hope i run into that lil guy because i got quite a lot of shit i could say to that kid!!!
and you know what else? i love all of you and im so glad to be home so why dont you holla at ya girl!!!!!! :) |
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| cali! |
[Jul. 16th, 2009|12:27 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | anxious | ] |
i finally made it to cali!!! we left at like 7pm on friday night and after 5 brutal days WERE HERE!! we went through 11 states (florida, alabama, mississippi, louisiana, texas, new mexico, colorado, wyoming, utah, nevada, and who can forget CALIFORNIA?!) i got a $100 speeding ticket in wyoming but i mean whatever... at least he cut me some slack since we were wearing our seatbelts! utah is the most gorgeous state ever and you have to see all the different pictures i took... there are so many different kinds of landscapes its almost ridiculous. we stayed in arianes parents apartment in colorado which was fucking gorgeous and let me just let ya know the green (wink wink) that they have up there is so intense i mean shitttttt! altitude sickness is a bitch but we got over it and i guess now were gonna go hang out with some girls ariane met on myspace ha. im gonna stay up here for a couple more days and then im headin back home. this trip has been incredible so far and god damn does it feel nice to just chill in cali!!!
love you guys!!! |
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| on the road again!! |
[Jul. 10th, 2009|01:33 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | ecstatic | ] |
IM LEAVING FOR CALIFORNIA IN LESS THAN AN HOUR!
im so excited i cant wait... this is gonna be a road trip of a lifetime and im just ready for all the fun to begin!
goodbye drama, goodbye bitches, and goodbye florida!! i am going to miss everyone that i love but dont worry ill keep in touch!!!
<333333333333333 |
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| change in plans! |
[Jul. 4th, 2009|02:37 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | awake | ] |
alright so arianes car isnt going to be ready to go until tuesday so were either leaving tuesday or wednesday. called my manager and let her know the deal i said i wasnt sure when id be back but she said i have a job waitin for me whenever so thats always nice. im so excited, i know i just went on vacation but it already feels like i need this one so bad! autumns meetin us up there too so it just gets better and better! i couldnt be more stoked about a trip but at the same time im kind of nervous. if i didnt make it clear in my last entry... im actually thinkin about movin up there with ariane. the offers there im just not sure how to go about it quite so soon. ive never even been to california so its unrealistic to just decide to live there. im gonna go check it out, even though everyone says im gonna love it id rather take it from my own opinions ha. an all expenses paid cross country road trip. DOES IT GET ANY BETTER?! plus i love ariane i know were gonna have an amazing time and dont worry ill keep everyone posted.
i told him we cant be together and we should just be friends. its one of the hardest things ive ever had to do. its just really shitty because he wont let it go and he keeps trying... like it already isnt hard enough i mean come on. its not fair to either of us and im pissed for letting myself get in this situation in the first place. |
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| SURPRISE! |
[Jun. 29th, 2009|07:04 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | ecstatic | ] |
life never ceases to amaze me...
saturday im leaving for california and im not quite sure when ill be back. arianes movin up there and her parents didnt want her to have to drive all the way there by herself so theyre payin me to go! i guess theyll cover my food and everything i need plus when i decide i want to leave (no matter how long i want to stay...) theyre paying for my plane ticket back! were gonna get a hotel in las vegas and lord knows what else. im so excited it sounds like so much fun and honestly its a little too much for me to take in all at once! ya gotta love that good karma!!! |
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| soul mate |
[Jun. 25th, 2009|08:03 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sad | ] |
do you know how it feels when you have so much fucking love for a guy, and you know you can spend the rest of your life with him (and honestly you want nothing more...!)- you know he feels the same way but neither of you will ever voice it? youre together everyday and one time you actually took it to another level... but ya didnt even talk about it because you didnt want to ruin your friendship? 10 people come up to you a night and ask how long youve been together, even your best friends think youre together secretly?
its a hard reality when you know who your soul mate is and you realize its never going to go anywhere....
ps my parents stayed on an extended vacation theyre not coming back til saturday and brians cookin me dinner tonight!! :) |
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| me myself and i! |
[Jun. 22nd, 2009|01:55 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
IM HOMEEEEEEE! :)
it was almost funny how homesick i was but honestly it was more ridiculous than anything. i had the time of my life, let me just say my family knows how to partyyyy! between jimmys grad party, my cousins birthday and just me being on vacation we found quite a few ways to have some fun. it was a lovely vacation and i loved spending time with the people i love by blood ha. kasia and big jim are gonna be home wednesday so lets just say the vacation continues... i dont have to work and i have the house to myself!!! no parties i dont think im going to have anyone over i just love being able to do whatever i want. last night i came home at 6 in the morning just because i could and it was my first night home- i had to go spend time with EVERYONE ha.
they say absence makes the heart grow fonder and i came home to some crazy shit. i have a lot of guy friends that i love but quite a few of them are trying to take it to a different level. its really fuckin awkward because honestly i dont feel the same way, i only see platonic relationships with them. honestly i dont even want to be in a relationship with anyone right now! i wish i could be, i really do, but theres not one guy i could see myself with. thats a lie, theres 2 to be exact but one i could never take it to the level... the friendship is just too great. and the other i shouldnt even consider im such a stupid girl but hey i cant lie the boy has got me sprung!
thursday my new life starts. im getting a new job, a 9-5 to keep me outta trouble and oh yeah im going to school to get my LPN. im quitting smoking, im only drinkin once in a while and lets just say my social life isnt going to be as glamorous as id like. but hey ive been talkin for months about gettin my shit straight and im sick and tired of being a deadbeat. its time for change i need to get shit right.
i missed everyone so much im just so fucking happy to be back in st pete. its true i really dont think i could ever move away from here... this is my home!!!! :)
this post was refreshingly honest. |
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| MICHIGAN! |
[Jun. 9th, 2009|01:23 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
tomorrow morning my family and i are leaving to go to michigan i cant waitttt! im stayin for 10 days and then i got the house to myself for a few, my dads flying back after that and then my mom eventually. lil jib and josh are stayin there for a whole month!! i cant wait to see my family i miss them so fucking much and i know were gonna have such a good time! jimmys grad party is this year and i cant wait to sit back and not worry about greeting everyone and socializing like i did last year for mine. this time i can just sit back, eat, drink and be merry!
my lifes really confusing right now. i dont know what i want and i dont know what im going to do. hopefully these 10 days away from home will clear out all the confusion but i already know when i get back shits changing for real. i know i say it all the time but this time im serious. i dont need to drink every night and party until 4 in the morning. i need to get a better job and finally start my schooling! i want to get my shit together, get my own place and do my own thing. itll happen... just watch!!! |
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